These are tough times, y’all. Choose your reason, choose your fear, there’s more than enough to go around.
I can’t take your worries away, and I won’t even try. Nor can I tell you how to fight what’s coming, but I do think it’s important that we all fight, in whatever ways suit our skills and resources. The battleground has shifted dramatically. The battles ahead of us are not the ones we’d hoped to be fighting. But it’s not too late to stand up for the things we think are right. We can’t give up now.
However – we have to take care of ourselves and each other, too.
Any extended project, from writing a book to fighting fascism, needs to be respected as a long-haul effort. You’ve got to take breaks. You’ve got to safeguard your strength. And you’ve got to find joy and hope to keep you going. I’ve collected a couple of things that have helped me, in hopes that one of them might help you, too. And I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments.
Circles of Attention
Circles of Attention was an acting technique taught by Stanislavski, and it has since been adopted and adapted by all kinds of acting teachers. The basic gist is that an actor imagines three concentric circles to which they give their attention. The first one, closest to them, keeps their focus on themselves. The second circle expands to include their immediate scene partners, and the third encompasses the “whole world,” or everyone in the theatre, depending on the teacher.
For some actors, this technique has specific impacts on the type of performance they’re giving, but I once had an acting teacher describe it as a tool for dealing with focus and anxiety. His idea was that when something happens to throw you off balance, you need to bring your focus all the way in to that inner circle. Ground, and center in your body and breath. Then, you can safely expand your focus to wherever it needs to be. The more you practice this idea, the easier it is to do quickly, so that you don’t miss a beat in the scene.
The last couple of weeks, I’ve been practicing this with my own life. Any time I start to panic about the world, I bring my focus all the way back to my current physical state. Right now, I am safe. If ever I am not safe, I need to solve that problem first, because I am useless if I don’t. Only when I am reassured and calm do I expand my focus back out. I do that gradually, stepwise, to the people I care about most, to the strangers I care about because I am an empathetic human, to the world itself.
Pay Attention to What You Eat, but Don’t Judge
My appetite, and my energy for procuring food, have both been all over the place for the last couple of weeks. But there are two meals that stick out for being exactly what I needed, at different times.
One was a complex meal that my husband and I prepared together. Multiple components. Lots of chopping and prepping and active cooking. A from-scratch dessert that meant learning a couple of new skills. (Side note: did you know you could caramelize white chocolate?) Preparing this meal took us a good portion of the afternoon, working together. It got me out of my head and satisfied some creative urges in addition to my hunger.
The second memorable meal was a frozen pizza. It took zero effort, on a day when I didn’t have any effort to give. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t unique. But it made me feel safe and nourished, and it let me rest.
The point, of course, is that my needs change. I am most successful at taking care of myself when I am aware of what those needs are, and gently tell any judgey internal voice to sit down and shut up.
The Wood Song, by Indigo Girls
This one was a gift from my subconscious. I woke up on Monday morning with this song in my head, entirely out of the blue. Yes, I realize this probably “outs” me as a gen Xer, but that’s totally fine with me. Some of you will recognize it immediately, but even if you don’t, give it a try.
You can read the lyrics here, and they seem pretty timeless when it comes to making it through hard times. But to me, it’s the music itself that finishes telling the story, because the melody is full of hope, and the harmonics make me feel like I’m not alone.
You’re not alone either, my friends. Drop your ideas for strength, focus and joy below. Give me you favorite songs, and let me sing along.