I had plans for my blog in December. I was actually really excited to talk about how I go about reviewing my past performance in setting new goals, because I think I’ve learned some useful things about that over the years.
But apparently, my theme for all of 2024 is that sometimes you have to change your plans. My list of unexpected time-sucks for this calendar year range from minor household messes to life-threatening vehicular accidents, and in December, I had jury duty.
In fact, fourteen days ago, I posted on Bluesky about jury selection, and then I went entirely silent. Because the first rule of jury duty is that you don’t talk about jury duty (while it’s happening).
The trial I was empaneled for was… heavy. I heard stuff I’ll probably never repeat to anyone but my therapist, because I don’t think anyone else should have to carry those burdens. But I knew that would be the case as soon as I heard the charges. I knew that I had the emotional and mental resources to process that appropriately, as long as I gave myself the time and space to do so.
The real surprise was how much jury duty was a full and complete interruption of every part of my life. The official time commitment may only be nine to five, but I came home exhausted every evening. I’m so grateful for my husband who picked up the slack on the necessary stuff around the house, because I couldn’t even wrap my brain around laundry.
When it was all over, and I’d gotten through the initial wave of “catching up” on stuff, I felt like I’d started December a week and a half late. December is always so full that starting late just feels like giving yourself an unnecessary burden.
So, I’m exercising the self-compassion that comes so unnaturally. (It’s SO MUCH EASIER to tell other people to take a break than it is to tell yourself that). I’ve got my usual bookkeeping load. And I’m spending the balance of my time and energy doing the projects I save for my “fallow” days.
This space between being productive and actually been on vacation isn’t exactly comfortable. But I’ve been through enough cycles of this to know that I’ll be much better off, come January, for letting myself wallow in it a bit.
Happy Holidays, friends. Rest well.